There's no excuse for domestic violence. It sounds like a challenge. What if you come home from a long day at work and your wife has drowned two of your kids? She's about to dunk the third one. Can you run over and pop her then? Unfortunately, no. There's no excuse. Gonna have to let her drown that third one. What if you ask her to DVR the game, b
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Joseph Mitchell
Meet Tommy, the world's largest cow and a proud Guinness World Record holder. This 12-year-old brown Swiss was rescued by a kind grandpa when he was just two years old. Now, he weighs over a ton and drinks two bathtubs worth of water every single day. But despite his massive size, Tommy's a total softie at heart. He might be the biggest cow in the
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Mark Manson
Betty, how about lunch at the In-N-Out Burger? I'm not hungry. All right, forget the burger. How about just the In-N-Out? Very well. How about just the In? Oh. Oh!
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Joseph Mitchell
Do not be alarmed. We are about to engage the nozzle. Please do not move while the nozzle is engaging. Moving will disrupt calibration of the nozzle. Please wait while we calibrate the nozzle. Please do not look away from the nozzle. The nozzle is now calibrating. The nozzle has completed calibrating.
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Gaie Houston
I was walking down the street just the other day I saw these two fine bitches, they were walking my way Yo, what you girls doing tonight is what I wanted to say But suddenly I panicked, my voice started to shake So I put my head down and I just walked away I had a bus to catch anyway, it worked out great Got on the bus, put my headphones on and pr
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