I really do love this time of year — the Christmas music, the twinkle lights, the woman in front of me in line at Costco who just told her husband, “We can give your cousin a pile of dog shit for all I care.”
AND I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN! Absolutely ridiculous. Slows down two houses, now here he is going for three. Oh no! It's hard to huff and puff with a hole in your chest. You two were supposed to reinforce the damn walls, not sit here shaking like truffle pigs. Next time, we do this my way from the start.
Bad lobsters get put into the glove compartment
Dude, stop acting up. Settle down. You're going to the glove box if you don't fucking... You don't settle down.
Every year, a stork named Klepetan flew 13,000 kilometers from South Africa to Croatia to reunite with his flightless mate, Malena. For 19 years, they raised 66 chicks together—a love story that spanned continents.
When HR calls you in and asks you what happened at the company Christmas party
I was banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them, because that's how I roll. I have one speed. I have one gear. Go!
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