One of them, the one that I've got on the back of my backpack now, is like, you know, like a Ranger tab, except instead of that it says 'Special Needs'. No, yeah. So I just thought, I thought that was funny as shit, 'cause like I'm, I never did anything in the military. Like, where's this story going? I'm already liking the story, but I'm still...
My boyfriend woke up at 2am, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Don't worry, it's getting better." In a flawless American accent. Which would be fine—if he weren't Australian. I blinked. "Why are you American?" He doesn't even pause. Just reroutes like a haunted GPS and repeats, "Sorry, it's getting better," but now in posh Victorian agony. Like
THE WAY I HEARD IT EP 483. One day I was down in the locker room. I had done my morning swim and a woman she came out of the shower and when she faced her locker, I could see her her back part and she had a tattoo. And so of course the writer in me was curious and I said to her, tell me about your tattoo. She looked at me and she said, what tattoo?
I was sitting on a bus behind a mother and her young son. Her boy kept looking around and pulling funny faces at me. After a few minutes, I got tired of his antics... So I said, "When I was young, my mother told me that if I made an ugly face and the wind changed, I'd stay that way." The little shit replied, "Well, you can't say you weren't warned.
I've got a question. I was in a restaurant yesterday and I, uh, I really had to fart bad. But I noticed the music was loud, so what I did was I, I timed my farts to the beat of the song. And after a while I felt a little better, finished drinking my coffee. But I noticed everybody was staring at me. That's, that's when I realised I had my earbuds i
New guy at work was kinda cool so I invited him to a house party with my close friends because we all liked to drink and play games. We play strip poker or something and dude literally takes his pants off first and underwear second. Dick out first time we hung out. Shirt still on. Said it was the only way he played because he's no pussy. My friends
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