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avatar John Paul
Missed Calls\n66 missed calls from Andrew\nMessages\nplease pick up the coppers are here\I'm afraid\ndo they have royal cells

Missed Calls\n66 missed calls from Andrew\nMessages\nplease pick up the coppers are here\I'm afraid\ndo they have royal cells

avatar Gaie Houston
GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died! ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.

GIRLFRIEND: *Crying* My dog died! ME (who was only dating her because of her dog): So I have more bad news.

avatar John Paul
My new boss almost gave me a heart attack...

Please come to my office. We found some concerning searches on your work computer that we need to discuss.

What??

Just kidding 😫 on Fridays I buy everyone lunch. Meet in the lobby in 15 👍

My new boss almost gave me a heart attack... Please come to my office. We found some concerning searches on your work computer that we need to discuss. What?? Just kidding 😫 on Fridays I buy everyone lunch. Meet in the lobby in 15 👍

avatar John Paul
My wife called me at work and asked, 'Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?' Sounding concerned, I replied, 'No...' She responded, 'How about now?'

My wife called me at work and asked, 'Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?' Sounding concerned, I replied, 'No...' She responded, 'How about now?'

avatar jojo9
When she sends nudes but it looks like Chewbacca got shot in the mouth

When she sends nudes but it looks like Chewbacca got shot in the mouth

avatar Isabella Lewis
How much do you love me?
So much.
On a scale from 0 to burgers?
Burgers. With bacon.
You're the one

How much do you love me? So much. On a scale from 0 to burgers? Burgers. With bacon. You're the one

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