$20 Million to Protect Newsom's Family (Nothing for Yours). Thank you, Madam Speaker and members. I rise in opposition of AB 113. This bill, this big bill includes: $20 million for CHP protection for families of Gavin Newsom and Kamala Harris. Madam Speaker, at a time when public safety should be one of our top priorities, I have a hard time. I rea
Whenever you first come into Congress, you get to meet a lot of really interesting people. And one of the people that I got to meet not long after getting elected was somebody by the name of Ilhan Omar. One night we were having late votes on the House Budget Committee, which I serve on, and she was really angry at me. And she was angry because I mi
The only thing about a public toilet is if somebody recognize my ass. You know, 'cause you could go in the toilet, you go in the toilet to take a shit, don't nobody say nothing. They may make a face when you leave. But they see me, they start talking. Richard Pryor! That was you in there shitting? Man, you don't never do this shit in public. Hey ev
Part 2. F*ck you. Everybody be standing up there like this, be cool Jack, just looking in the eye. Then some big d*ck motherf*cker come in right, stand way back here. What's happening fellas? You wanna stand to the left? I'm gonna shake it to the left, pal. You gotta move over. @funnieststandup
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