Them: don't burn bridges you might want to go back... Me: I can burn a bridge and not give a fuck 'cause I know how to swim. Matter of fact, it was premeditated 'cause I already doused the bridge with gas. Just needed a reason to light the motherfucker.
Matt Mathews Born on a farm Funny Moments. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you okay? Do we need to call EMS? Oh, please shut the fuck up. For the love of God. Are you married? I see why. Have you always done that when you laugh? Yes. Your whole life? I thought it was this lady's squeaky chicken at first. Is there like something wrong with your
Still remember the joy this brought us? And when she gave birth, I asked if I should be in a room with her. She said, "What for? When I got pregnant, you weren't in a room with me." I'll tell you, since I'm a kid, women always gave me a hard time. My mother never breastfed me. She told me she liked me as a friend. My mother had morning sickness aft
LAUGH AFTER DARK. I went on a first date and I cried on a first date. Don't f***** judge me. A lot of people get pepper sprayed. My girl's cool, my girl's really cool. She's a water sign. Well, I don't know how you say it, a squirter. But she's a water sign and... Why did you guys pull back at that one? Oh my god. We're gonna talk about squirting n
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