A VACUUM CLEANER SALESMAN KNOCKED ON MY DOOR. BEFORE I SPOKE HE TIPPED A BUCKET OF DOG SHIT OVER MY CARPET AND SAID, "IF THIS VACUUM DOESN'T REMOVE EVERY TRACE OF IT I'LL PERSONALLY EAT WHAT'S LEFT." I REPLIED, "I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY BECAUSE THEY CUT OFF MY ELECTRIC THIS MORNING!"
My wife called me at work and asked, 'Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?' Sounding concerned, I replied, 'No...' She responded, 'How about now?'
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