My wife: We need to start eating healthier. Also, my wife: I won't be around tonight and I'm leaving you home alone with a fresh cheesecake. I think I have some self-control issues I need to deal with.
Wife: I am having heart surgery. Husband: I know. Wife: I love you. Husband: I love you much more. After surgery, when the wife woke up, only her father was next to her. Wife: Where is he? Father: You don't know who gave you the heart? Wife: What? (She starts crying) Father: I'm just kidding. He went to the bathroom.
But I'm gonna start out by telling y'all the same thing I tell my wife every night when she comes to bed. Thank you for showing up. I'll make this quick. Cause I know you can't tell by looking at me, but not good at foreplay. Say it ain't so. I'm not. But I'm a good sport, man. When she wins, I shake her hand and say, good game. Then I hand her a t
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