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avatar Jeremy Jordan

When I was born, my body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey. And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time. That's it! Come on, Woodrow, let's go. Come on! No, you run along. There's something I wanted to discuss with Lamont. Well, I'll go and do some shopping. Goodbye, dear. Oh, you called me dear? Why shouldn't I call you dear? You look lik

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avatar Gaie Houston

I messed up. I'm sorry. I messed up. The gate won't open. I put my ticket in instead of scanning it. It's gone. Just use your employee fob. I don't work here. You don't work here? I see you on our floor every day. My apartment gets cold. Can I use your fob? No, because then I can't get out. Wait, what are you doing? This worked last time at the Gog

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avatar Gaie Houston

Buttons, and I have to look down when I press 'em. Donkey Kong sucks. I could build the same game on our house. Donkey Kong House? DK.

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avatar Olivia Veqqie

My Iceland Airbnb host: "Go out tonight and the aurora will be visible right from the front door..." Me: "yeah right"

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avatar Gaie Houston

Me walking out of the gas station with pizza and a Red Bull after saying "you too" when the clerk said "sir your card was declined."

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avatar Olivia Veqqie

A man in a karate gi performs various karate moves, making loud kiai sounds.

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