On our way to town I turned and said to the Wife, "Happy Birthday." She said, "thanks, what did you get me?" I replied, "see that red Mercedes in that car lot? Wife, OMG! YES! Well, "I got you a toothbrush the same color."
Thanos Snap. A dog is turning into dust. Ooh Sh*t. WHAT? Thanos is defeated with a pencil in his eye, while Thor, John Wick, and Captain America stand over him.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven time
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