We protect them too much. Car seats y'all give you 100%. But, like, bicycle helmets, come on. If Bobby can't ride a bike, that's Bobby's fault. Clap if you never wore a helmet. Who never wore a helmet out there? Everybody okay? Yes. See, Bobby ain't here 'cause Bobby ain't supposed to be here. That's nature's way. That's why we have so many stupid
Not The Weed I Grew Up With. But, you know, weed changed. Weed, it used to be a crime, now it's a store. And this is not the weed I grew up with. We didn't have no indica, sativa, Cotton Candy Kick You In The Crotch Kush. And our weed looked like weeds. It had sticks, and stems, and seeds. Remember seeds? Yeah! These kids will never know!! They'll
POV: Arnold is narrating National Geographic. Here is Arnold Schwarzenegger narrating a National Geographic movie. Then the bumblebee, he's flying around in a circle, he's trying to get something to eat. He's very hungry and he's nourished to get yummy in the tummy. He's crazy, he's a little cute fellow. He wants to get nectar to get yummy in this
My girlfriend now is pretty cool. One of the good ones I think. If I had to nitpick, I'd say sometimes she's a little too sensitive. Like the other day she got her haircut, got two inches trimmed off of her hair, and then came home and cried about it for two hours. Over a haircut, I couldn't believe it. So finally I went to her, I said, 'Baby, what
Humor. I just paid off my student loan. Women don't understand me. I gave a lady friend the heart symbol and she brought me a defibrillator. 40 years ago when I started doing stand-up, everyone told me it was a great way to meet women. We'll see. I joined a dating site for people my age called carbon dating. I stayed on the site for a number, she t
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