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avatar Mark Manson
Once is enough 😂
How often do planes crash?
Just once.

Once is enough 😂 How often do planes crash? Just once.

avatar Gaie Houston
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.

avatar Olivia Veqqie
Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My roommate says our house is haunted. But I’ve lived here for 300 years and not noticed anything unusual.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My roommate says our house is haunted. But I’ve lived here for 300 years and not noticed anything unusual.

avatar Olivia Veqqie
What did the mommy coffee bean say to the naughty little coffee bean? WHAT? You're grounded.

What did the mommy coffee bean say to the naughty little coffee bean? WHAT? You're grounded.

avatar Jeremy Jordan
Dad, how do people make babies?
Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions.
I came from Sears?
No, you were a blue light special at K Mart, almost as good, and a lot cheaper.
Dear, what are you telling Calvin now?!

Dad, how do people make babies? Most people just go to Sears, buy the kit, and follow the assembly instructions. I came from Sears? No, you were a blue light special at K Mart, almost as good, and a lot cheaper. Dear, what are you telling Calvin now?!

avatar Zoe ZZZ
Yo brain:

Yo brain: "it'll only be a tiny fart. Nobody gonna hear it..." Yo ass:

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