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avatar Mark Manson
My grandpa is on his third wife. The first, I called Nana. The second, I called Mawmaw. Look, I don’t have another cute name in me. That’s just Brenda.

My grandpa is on his third wife. The first, I called Nana. The second, I called Mawmaw. Look, I don’t have another cute name in me. That’s just Brenda.

avatar Sophia Rich
NEVER PISS OFF A WOMAN THEY REMEMBER STUFF THAT HAVEN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET.

NEVER PISS OFF A WOMAN THEY REMEMBER STUFF THAT HAVEN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET.

avatar Agni Gauss
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, “What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.” And then the fight started.

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, “What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.” And then the fight started.

avatar Olivia Veqqie
Me: Hey bartender! Let me get three shots of grey goose...or is it grey geese? F*ck it, let me get a flock of vodka.

Me: Hey bartender! Let me get three shots of grey goose...or is it grey geese? F*ck it, let me get a flock of vodka.

avatar Jeremy Jordan
Girls: That barber cut my hair 1mm shorter than I said, I’m never visiting him again. Boys after 21 years:

Girls: That barber cut my hair 1mm shorter than I said, I’m never visiting him again. Boys after 21 years:

avatar Anthony Miller
Curly fries are my favorite because they’re salty and spiraling like me

Curly fries are my favorite because they’re salty and spiraling like me

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