Turtle neck, how do you fit in? Girlfriend. That's my son's. That's my son's girlfriend. Don't f*cking talk to her. Your dad's very nervous about you losing your f*cking. That's my f*cking son's girlfriend. I still got a gun. I'll shoot your d*ck off. What did you say? He's special needs? Is that what you said? It's from his mother's side. Oh my Go
Women are dirtier when you date them than when you're married to them. Soon as you put a ring on their finger, they got no time to send pictures of the bing bong chicken ding ding ding. You know, my wife sent me a picture of the other day, peanut butter in the fridge. With a note saying, 'Did you put the peanut butter in the fridge?' Then my wife s
Happy for you. *Take flash picture* Somebody just take a picture of me, nigga, what the fuck? Thought I wasn't gonna see that? What the fuck? This is not TV, nigga, this is real life, nigga. I can see you you "real quick". You got a brother? Yeah, nigga, what the fuck? I do have a brother, what? Why you asking if I got a brother? "Y'all look smack
Why do women close their eyes during **x? Because they can't stand to see a man having a good time. Why are blondes buried in triangular coffins? Because as soon as the head hits the pillow, the legs know what to do. A little longer than a few minutes later. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before sh
I uh just paid off my student loan. Women don't understand me. I gave a lady friend the heart symbol, and she brought me a defibrillator. 40 years ago when I started doing stand-up, everyone told me it was a great way to meet women. We'll see. I joined a dating site for people my age called Carbon Dating. I weighed on the site for a number. She tol
So how do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? Oh, I can't wait to hear this. When she starts by saying, a man once told me. Right. How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should already be open when you bring it to me.
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