A soldier stationed abroad recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: "Dear Jack, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have changed on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me
I told my Lyft driver I was on mushrooms and he said, 'like pizza mushrooms?' I thought about it for 5 seconds and was like, 'yeah.' Then he confided he sometimes eats a whole can of black olives.
I pointed at two drunks sitting across from us at the bar and told my friend, 'That's gonna be us in 10 years.' He said, 'That's a mirror, you dipshit!' 😂😂😂😂
lex 🦋 @lexknierim while bartending today, a guy comes in, hands me $40 & says “a woman in a green hat & black shirt is coming in later that’s a FOX. tell her drinks on me.” later she comes in & I tell her about it. she starts laughing & says “that was my husband” 😂 if that ain’t goals idk what is
Back in 2021, a guy my friend liked eventually asked her out. She tried playing hard to get and told him she was in a 4-years relationship, thinking he'd push harder. The guy backed off completely. My friend almost ran mad.
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