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avatar Agni Gauss
My wife told my son to change his sheets before his girlfriend comes over to visit, because

My wife told my son to change his sheets before his girlfriend comes over to visit, because "we don't" want her getting pregnant just by sitting down.

avatar Anthony Miller
I don’t think I’ll ever get invited back to Christmas caroling at the psych ward... apparently opening with ‘Do you hear what I hear?’ was a bad choice.

I don’t think I’ll ever get invited back to Christmas caroling at the psych ward... apparently opening with ‘Do you hear what I hear?’ was a bad choice.

avatar Jeremy Jordan
For anybody else that's getting coal for Christmas, maybe we can link up and get the grill going or something.

For anybody else that's getting coal for Christmas, maybe we can link up and get the grill going or something.

avatar Agni Gauss
I told my Spanish teacher that my goal was to learn what 'buena suerte' meant. She replied, 'good luck'. I said, 'thanks, but I don't believe in luck.'

I told my Spanish teacher that my goal was to learn what 'buena suerte' meant. She replied, 'good luck'. I said, 'thanks, but I don't believe in luck.'

avatar Olivia Veqqie
Waiter:

Waiter: "How do you like your steak, sir?"\nSir: "Like winning an argument with my wife."\nWaiter: "Rare it is!"

avatar John Paul
The kids keep laughing about my memory. They won't be laughing on Christmas morning when there are no eggs under the tree!

The kids keep laughing about my memory. They won't be laughing on Christmas morning when there are no eggs under the tree!

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