The Olympics was very funny. Like America came 13th in shooting. Ha ha ha. And she didn't understand why I found that funny. She's like, "Why did we come 13th? We're the greatest country on Earth". And I said, "That's 'cause it wasn't at a school". I'm feeling very smug, I'm like "Haha" and then fucking Raygun turns up. I'm like, "Shit... Oh, we've
I hooked up with a guy in an open relationship once. He was explaining it to me after and he was like, "Yeah, my girlfriend and I, we sleep with other people and it brings the two of us closer together." I was like, "Alright, happy to help." I've been looking for ways to give back, so this is good timing, I guess. I was on my way to a soup kitchen,
I'm dating a nerd and it's great because whenever he goes out for boys night and I can't get a hold of him, I never worry because I know he's just sitting in a dark room somewhere painting his Warhammer minis. And the amount of peace that brings a girl, truly enlightening. It's really, are you a nerd too? I watched you look at her like I told you i
DON'T TELL COMEDY. Here's how I get free Starbucks. All the time. I will go to Starbucks, and, ya know, they ask you for your name and I'll tell them in my best African accent, like, "My name is Negus, which stands for 'African Kings'". They're like, "What? How do you spell it?" I be like, "N-E-G-U-S". There's nothin' funnier than seeing your latte
The UK and the Australian diaspora, they're f***ing spineless, okay? I'm sorry, it's just the truth. They're like, 'I'm too white for brown people and too brown for white people,' you know? Meanwhile, Canadian brown people, they're like, 'Wallahi, if this Walmart doesn't start selling halal chicken, I will convert everyone in the greater West Vanco
I had an I, but I had to have it removed emergency. Why? 'Cause the dick was hitting it too fucking big, bro? Yeah! Oh! How come you had to get it removed, ma'am? Like you said. Hammer. You got a hammer hammer on you? Yeah. Like a hammer? Yeah. No! What's your background? Ethnic background? Hispasian. Hispasian? So you're Hispanic and Asian? Okay,
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