My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “he needs to use kind words with friends”. I asked him about it and he said “My friends are dumb and they need to know”
AFTER I RETIRED I STRUGGLED TO FIND A NEW DIRECTION IN LIFE.
AFTER A LOT OF SOUL SEARCHING I CAME TO SEE MYSELF AS A WISE OLD PHILOSOPHER IMPARTING WISDOM TO THOSE AROUND ME.
OKAY NOW, WHAT WAS THAT NUMBER?
MY WIFE, HOWEVER, SEES ME AS A HANDY NOTEPAD.
My Christmas List 2025
• a f**cking break
• wine
• people to use common sense
• 10 hours of sleep
• 12 million dollars
• a snack
• gym body without the gym
• a new lower back
• a pair of knees
• no wrinkles
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