BREAKING NEWS\n\nThe United States' largest federal workers' union has just DEMANDED that CHUCK SCHUMER and DEMOCRATS reopen the government immediately – by passing the Republican 'CLEAN CR' to end the shutdown.
Going to bed the other night, I saw people stealing from my shed. I called the police — they said no one was available. So I called back a minute later: "No need to hurry now... I've shot them." Within minutes, half a dozen cop cars, helicopters, and an armed unit showed up and caught the burglars red-handed. 🚓🚒😂
Officer: "I thought you said you s
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