A friend of mine told me he accidentally got this girl pregnant. You know how you accidentally get a girl pregnant? You go to the club, see a girl, spit game, get her back to the crib, you both take your clothes off, and you have unprotected sex. It's the same recipe for getting a girl pregnant on purpose. He was like, 'I don't know how this happen
Oh, I need to run by the ATM. So I pulled in there, I accessed my account. I didn't have very much money in there, but what I had was mine. I got to looking right in front of me, and there's a character with a dog collar on. I looked to my left over there, and there was the ugliest fellow I'd ever seen in my life. Ugly! U-G-L-Y. He didn't have no a
I love a sketchy friend in the group. Look, I'm that guy that everybody calls on when they need sketchy shit done, right? So like, you need to find a place to get your car inspected because it won't pass, I got you. You locked your keys in your office and you want me to come do hood rat shit and break in for you? I got you. So tell me why the other
DON'T TELL COMEDY DR. SQUATCH MY DAD IS MR. T. MOHAWK, MOST PEOPLE THINK I'M LYING WHEN I SAY THAT, BUT I'M LIKE, WHY WOULD I PICK HIM? LIKE, WHO THE FUCK IS LYING ABOUT MR. T, RIGHT? AND I GREW UP IN THE 80S AND 90S, SO EITHER EVERYONE BELIEVED ME OR NO ONE BELIEVED ME. LIKE, THERE WAS NO IN BETWEEN. I GREW UP IN A VERY WEALTHY NEIGHBORHOOD, SO EV
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