I'm really bad at handjobs. Anyone else? YES! Yes, I am. I'm terrible. I've been told it's better to give a blowjob 'cause they can give themselves a handjob better than... I do know why they told YOU it was better to give a blowjob. Anyway, though. I am a female comedian. It makes it interesting sometimes. After a show recently, this guy came up t
Ready? I guess. When someone says my stove is beautiful but she's so much more than that. She thick girl. I need to go in first. She grillmaster. She built in crockpot. She griddle and broiler. She cook eggs. And bacon. She on fire. Get a rich man a boat like that singing. She percolate coffee. She fry chicken. She make toast. She love Christmas ma
The Olympics was very funny. Like America came 13th in shooting. Ha ha ha. And she didn't understand why I found that funny. She's like, "Why did we come 13th? We're the greatest country on Earth". And I said, "That's 'cause it wasn't at a school". I'm feeling very smug, I'm like "Haha" and then fucking Raygun turns up. I'm like, "Shit... Oh, we've
I hooked up with a guy in an open relationship once. He was explaining it to me after and he was like, "Yeah, my girlfriend and I, we sleep with other people and it brings the two of us closer together." I was like, "Alright, happy to help." I've been looking for ways to give back, so this is good timing, I guess. I was on my way to a soup kitchen,
I'm dating a nerd and it's great because whenever he goes out for boys night and I can't get a hold of him, I never worry because I know he's just sitting in a dark room somewhere painting his Warhammer minis. And the amount of peace that brings a girl, truly enlightening. It's really, are you a nerd too? I watched you look at her like I told you i
DON'T TELL COMEDY. Here's how I get free Starbucks. All the time. I will go to Starbucks, and, ya know, they ask you for your name and I'll tell them in my best African accent, like, "My name is Negus, which stands for 'African Kings'". They're like, "What? How do you spell it?" I be like, "N-E-G-U-S". There's nothin' funnier than seeing your latte
Memes Today – is an entertainment platform built primarily on Android and iOS mobile apps. In order to use the full functionality of Memes Today, we ask you to download the mobile application available from the links below. By downloading the App, you can like, comment, save posts to favorites, share the content.
