John. Yeah? I just want to get this out the way right now. I'm leaving you for another man. What? Yes. I got my things packed and I'm leaving in the next hour. Leaving me for who? Steve, the postman. My best friend Steve? I didn't know y'all was best friends. When did y'all become best friends? Just 10 seconds ago. FOLLOW US!
A vacuum cleaner salesman came knocking on my door. Before I could talk, he dumped a bucket of "DOG SH!T" On my rug and said, "If this vacuum don't remove every trace of it, I'll personally eat what's left!" I replied, "I hope you're hungry because they cut my electricity off this morning!" Laughter.
POV: The Titanic is sinking and women and children go on the lifeboats first but you're the first dwarf I've ever seen. All right, women and children first. Got it? Hmm. Let me get my supervisor. I don't know how to handle this.
I said to my pregnant niece "if the stork is the bird that delivers the babies, what is the bird that prevents the pregnancy?" she replied "i donk know", i was like "the swollow"
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