I'm here to see the Captain. That would be me. Captain, we are here to demand justice for those that you arrested at the so-called riot at the fruit stand. We understand that some may be in need of medical attention. Congressman Powell, they'll be released when the prosecutor has determined the charges. I'm sorry, Captain, that's not good enough. W
Spraying American football pitches looks so satisfying. From worn to wonderful, watch as these American football pitches get a much-needed makeover. All it takes is a fresh coat of paint to breathe life back into the fields, and the spraying process is incredibly satisfying. Just look at that precision.
The most relieving scene in the Amazing Spider Man. You did that on purpose, Flash? No, but I should have. You better watch your back. Give it up, Parker. All right, how about this? Why don't you take it from me? Go ahead, Flash, take it. Take it! Come on, Flash, take it!
My wife as soon as I get home. Babe I'm hungry! Babe I'm thirsty! Babe my head hurts. Babe Wi-Fi is not working! Babe the trash is full. Babe toilet is not flushing. Babe I can't find my phone. Babe I'm bored. Babe what's the spelling for knife? Babe I need money. Babe help me buy something
Humor. I just paid off my student loan. Women don't understand me. I gave a lady friend the heart symbol and she brought me a defibrillator. 40 years ago when I started doing stand-up, everyone told me it was a great way to meet women. We'll see. I joined a dating site for people my age called carbon dating. I stayed on the site for a number, she t
My girlfriend now is pretty cool. One of the good ones I think. If I had to nitpick, I'd say sometimes she's a little too sensitive. Like the other day she got her haircut, got two inches trimmed off of her hair, and then came home and cried about it for two hours. Over a haircut, I couldn't believe it. So finally I went to her, I said, 'Baby, what
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